Chimp Attack

200-pound pet chimpanzee in Stamford, Connecticut severely mauls a woman. Owner stabs chimp repeatedly but fails to stop the attack. Chimp goes after police when they arrive on the scene. Police officer fatally shoots chimp. You may know chimp from Old Navy ads (the ones with Morgan Fairchild). Chimp knew how to use a computer, drink wine “from a stemmed glass,” bathe himself.But….. no. That urge to sex up the story prevails. How’s it done? A few examples courtesy of cable and the tabloids.

Travis the chimpanzee, a veteran of TV commercials, was the constant companion of a lonely Connecticut widow who fed him steak, lobster and ice cream. He could eat at the table, drink wine from a stemmed glass, use the toilet, and dress and bathe himself.In recordings of calls to 911 dispatchers released Tuesday, Travis' grunts can be heard as a frantic Herold cries that her pet is "eating" Nash and must be killed. The attack lasted about 12 minutes.