bikini pirates

Cue the awful theme song; we’re off to another sexy beach location with Bridget Marquardt. Forget Jamaica and Australia, this week we’re taking in the Turks and Caicos with the buxom beauty. After a quick geography lesson—the islands were part of the Bahamas until the 1970s—we were off to explore what they have to offer. After of course, checking out the pool bar at Nikki Beach Hotel that had some lady dancing on it—we’ll have what she’s having.
This week adventures took our host to Ambergris Cay via private plane for conch diving and fishing for barracuda. There was plenty of time for a snuba dive, and Bridget even rode horses into the waves. They needed some time to fill at the end of the episode—or were looking to boost the ratings—because there was a mini photo shoot complete with music montage. That wasn't our favorite part, but it was close.

Bikini change #1 took us from baby blue to bright green—a fitting color for a visit to Iguana Island. Scary music had us reaching for extra handfuls of popcorn, but once we arrived things were pretty much calm and peaceful—especially since we took a sweet boat to get there. Bridget was sure to kick off her flippie floppies before coming aboard. After what seemed like forever, Bridget and her travel companions finally stumbled across the island reptiles. These critters were everywhere, and looked just like the ones at the pet store.
There was a lot of talk about conch, the unofficial food of the islands, and eventually our favorite host gave the seafood the ol' college try at the Conch Shack. Kerri Walsh, of volleyball fame, was there—along with a bun in the oven. She was apparently already aware of the aphrodisiac effects of the conch pistol—which may or may not be the creature’s penis.
There were even more Olympic volleyballers around, and they were more than willing to teach Bridget how to handle the balls. At first she hit them a little hard, and it looked like she was annoying some tourists trying to relax. Eventually she got the hang of it—we just knew she would. Phil Dalhausser was rocking a beach nap, but eventually came and visited. Apparently he brings his gold medal with him wherever he goes. We'd do the same.
This week’s highlight took place on the West Harbor Bluff section of Providenciales. Bridget was ready for a pirate adventure, and came prepared with her “authentic” pirate garb. Captain Bill was a great sport, and helped our host find the clues to the treasure. They stumbled across carvings from previous (real) pirates, and even traced the steps of the infamous Anne Bonny. Bridget discovered plenty of booty thanks to Bill, and even placed a couple doubloons in her pirate shirt for safekeeping.
We’re a little afraid to admit it, but we’re actually looking forward to next week when she takes on Thailand. Oh, and if the show needs another on-location writer, we're available—we're great with the booty jokes.